Dear Fat Me: A Love Letter

My darling little chubby cheeks,

 If you are reading this, it’s probably because you’ve gone off the rails again, though I know it didn’t happen overnight, my darling big boned girl. It’s those creeper pounds that kill you. You feel like you’re eating healthfully one minute, and the next you’re 10 pounds overweight, none of your clothes fit, and you feel like crap. I know you think you’re eating healthy, because I know you, my muscular little Mighty Mouse. I know you avoid dairy and gluten, I know you eat plant-based meals and drink green smoothies and often make yourself a totally separate meal than the one you feed your family because you don’t want to indulge in pizza, pasta, or fried chicken.

It’s the little things that add up, right? Snacking at 4 p.m. as you get dinner ready or absentmindedly eating chips while you work at your desk. Eating tiny portions of treats but then going back for more. Sneaking bites of Levi’s pizza or eating the peanut butter toast he didn’t finish at breakfast. Baking cookies, even if they’re vegan, are still high in calories. Just because you’re using coconut oil and maple syrup instead of butter and sugar doesn’t mean it won’t make you fat. And those bars you love—oh, those tricky little energy bars that are gluten free and vegan and promise to be healthy in their pretty packages. My cutest ever little buttercup, they’re glorified candy bars that are marketed specifically to you. They are also a bad habit. Just because hummus is healthy doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to pound a whole box of those Almond Thin crackers. I know it’s fun to make elaborate meals or to bake bread from scratch, but it’s not fun when eating pasta once and a while became every weekend and now you’re back in the fat seat.

I know you think you’re eating healthy, because I know you.

Here’s a clue: when the wastepaper basket at your desk is full of empty blue corn chip bags, rice cracker boxes and NuGo bars, your’e probably developing bad habits. When you slowly slide back into these bad habits, maybe one at first and then gradually, all of them, you’re going to put on weight.

When you put on weight, you don’t feel good.

I am here to remind you, my cute little chubby cherub, that nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.

I am just saying, in case you forgot, my buxom beauty, that sticking with a healthy eating program is worth it.

Let me count the reasons why my darling, dimpled dame:

You have your health to consider. When you eat too much sugar, you are at risk of diabetes. You know this because the doctor told you the last time you were pushing 140 that your average blood sugar was too high. This is bad.

When you get chubby, you develop hiatal hernia and your colon presses against your diaphragm and it hurts all night long. You can’t do your forward rounding yoga poses or engage your bandhas because it cramps up.

Your skin does not like sugar. You break out, your skin is blotchy and sallow. When you eat well, your complexion is clear and glowing. The dark circles beneath your eyes disappear and you look 10 years younger.

By the way, even if you have nowhere to go, you do love your clothes. You have a rack full of designer jeans hanging in your closet you paid a pretty penny for and they are all size 27. It sucks when your pants pinch and leave deep red grooves around your stomach, and living in yoga pants is not a solution it’s avoidance.

Yoga is so much fun when you’re thin. Every pose feels effortless. It’s so much easier to kick up into handstand, to wrap your leg in eagle, and to do binds. You feel good in your yoga clothes. You don’t have to cover up or constantly tug at the waist or your pants when your belly flops out. You can suck your stomach in and sandwich your chest against your thighs. You can go deeper.

I am here to tell you that you completed a 10-day cleanse in the middle of a pandemic. I am here to remind you that when you put your mind to it, you can do anything. I am here, my stocky little stud, to tell you it’s worth it. When you invest in yourself, you always win.

Last but not least, you feel sexier for your husband and stronger for your baby boy. You like taking selfies and posting to social media. You can wear a bathing suit. You like yourself. You love yourself.

Loving yourself is not narcissistic or selfish or wrong.

It is every kind of right.

With love, lilacs in bloom and dark chocolate,

Happy, healthy, size 6 me.